Breaking News: Golfer Has Sex
Several news agencies are reporting that a golfer has had sexual intercourse with a woman. This comes as shocking news as golfers are known mainly for khakis and involuntary abstinence. The golfer in question is one Mr. Tiger Woods of Orlando, Florida. His alleged sexual relationship was with Rachel Uchitel of New York, who is becoming a household name overnight as being the woman who had sex with a man who plays the “game of a Scottish milktoast.”
A man who plays golf has seen these breasts.
The reason Ms. Uchitel had sex with who many refer to as a “chocolate cupcake” is still unknown, but we speculate that Mr. Woods is a middleastern prince or at very least a wealthy magician.
Her dogs are also Caucasian and African American.
Posted in: Golf : Tiger-Woods
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Doc Ellis and the LSD No No
Posted in: Baseball :
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Kenny Rogers puts one in the popcorn machine
You’re all like, “when are you going to post a video about Kenny Rogers scoring on Michael Jordan” and I’m all like, “right now.”
Click to read more : Comment [3]
Posted in: NBA :
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Delhomme calls fan overreaction 'worse than child rape'
Jake Delhomme provided Panther fans a painful re-enactment of last years NFC Playoff loss where Jake the Mistake threw a whole shitload of interceptions.
While understanding fan disappointment, Delhomme spent an offseason trying to reassure fans that his new contract extension would be worth it and that he was ready for the long 16-game season ahead.
To no avail. Another turnover-fueled game against the Philadelphia Eagles led to an afternoon of boo’s for Delhomme in Carolina’s season opening 38-10 loss. Afterwards, Delhomme was furious.
“It’s a long [expletive] season” screamed Delhomme.
“I hate these overreacting fans, they’re literally worse than Hitler and child rape put together” overreacted the veteran quarterback.
Coach John Fox tried to keep a level-head, “It’s one game in a 16-game season. Whether you lose by one or 101, it’s a loss all the same. I think overreacting is the most egregious thing any human being can possibly do and their parents obviously failed miserably in every possible way.”
Click to read more : Comment [1]
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Funny Baseball Player Names List - Updated
(Shirt from Zazzle.com)
Here’s the how the hell did we miss these guys? list:
Albert Pujols
Dickie Thon
Antonio Bastardo
Chet Lemon
Razor Shines
Rusty Kuntz
Boof Bonser
Harry Byrd
Dick Dietz
Kosuke Fukudome
“Ugly” Johnny Dickshot (ref)
Goose Gossage
Urban Shocker (ref)
Catfish Hunter
Greg Legg (ref)
Wonderful Terrific Monds III (ref)
Bartolo Colon
A-Rod
From our old list:
Gaylord Perry
Mackey Sasser
Rollie Fingers
Chili Davis
Oil Can Boyd
Mike Sweeny (Mike’s Weenie)
Coco Crisp
Lenny Dykstra
Chien Ming Wang
The Big Unit
Milton Bradley
Mookie Wilson
Dick Pole
Posted in: Baseball :
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Any Last Words?
This is an actual death row prisoner’s last words. Check out the entire spooky gallery over here.
Posted in: Football :
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Get Your Basketball on with Leroy Smith
This is a Jordan brand viral thing with Charlie Murphy. www.getyourbasketballon.com
Posted in: Basketball :
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Hansbrough readying self for NBA pro game
Despite comparable workout numbers to his peers, Tyler Hansbrough continues to fight a perception that he doesn’t have what it takes to make it in the NBA. As a result, Hansbrough’s agent has set up a number of unique workouts in an effort to make a late push for this week’s 2009 NBA Draft.
“I have already proven that I can run and jump with the best, not to mention win on the big stage” said the ex-Tar Heel. “Now I simply need to show I have the other intangibles that NBA GM’s have come to expect from all-star NBA players.”
The workouts are unique in that they take place off the basketball court. Drills include driving under the influence, domestic abuse, weapon concealment, and “being an asshole”.
“I’ve had to prove myself all my life, this will be no different”.
Hansbrough has already held private workouts with a number of teams, though this workout will be available to all interested NBA GM’s. The workouts have even become an interest to other sports. Reports indicate that the Cincinnatti Bengals and Dallas Cowboys have serious interest about Hansbrough’s ability to play hybrid WR/TE or be a dedicated special teamer.
“We already know he’s a great athlete and a proven winner. But we heard that in his private workout with Charlotte, he told Larry Brown he could go fuck himself” said a source within the Bengals front office. “You can’t teach that!”
“I’m a real student of the game” said the 2008 Player of the Year. “I think my game is a mixture of Chris Anderson’s hustle, Karl Malone’s finishing ability, and the big-man ball-handling of Derrick Coleman and I just want the chance to prove that I can be like those guys”.
Posted in: Basketball : NBA
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