Fantasy Baseball is cooler than real baseball - Letterman style ·
Intermittent porn downloads, live draft and trash talk have made Fantasy Baseball more fun than sitting in the stands and talking about work. I could be masterbating to goat-on-goat right now and how would you even know? We count down the top ten reasons why real baseball just doesn’t cut it any more.
10. Creating a team called The AllBurnt Pooh-holes.
9. The Sev. For the price of a ballpark hot dog, you can buy several variations of Mexican-influenced meat-on-a-stick from 7-11. Eat as you watch said goat porn.
8. The Sev has recently added a chilli pump beside the cheese pump for nachos. Go to it.
7. Barry Bonds. He does for real baseball what my Uncle Dave does for drinking. Figure it out.
6. I’ve got a shirt that says “Armchair Athlete”.
5. I can make a team with only white players.
4. No Pants.
3. Seeing names written out all the time make you realize what kind of shitty names baseball players have had over the years. Coco Crisp, The “Big Unit”, Mookie Blaylock, Gaylord Parry, Rollie Fingers, Dickie Thon, Mackey Sasser, Milton Bradley, Chili Davis, Oil Can Boyd.
2. I really am masterbating to goat-on-goat right now.
1. While fights rarely occur in real baseball, there hasn’t been a fantasy draft yet where someone hasn’t been mule-kicked in the chest at least once.
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