Tiger Woods 70% black to being at his usual form ·
Tiger Woods says he’s black to his old form and ready to put all of the “acting like a mutherf&cking cracka” behind him.
Tiger Woods is almost universally known as being a dominant golfer who revolutionaized the game. Unfortunately, he’s also almost universally known as having a skin tone that paint manufacturers would label Bryant Gumbel White.
Tiger has consistently failed to live up to the simplest of black stereotypes – the coordinated high five – yet he can golf his ass off:
Tiger hopes to rectify his image through military marching and his new association with the Black Panthers.
When asked if his marriage to an unbelievably hot white girl would deter his standing with the Panthers, Woods responded with a poor imitation of a Chris Rock excerpt: “I love her but I’ll tell you one thing. If the revolution ever come, I’ll kill her FIRST, just to show you crackas I ain’t playin’!”
Woods has also reportedly hired a look-a-like to attend rap concerts, purchase over-sized clothing, find out what the hell a Coolio is, and start ghostriding his whip.
Here’s a classic Nike video of him tooootally showing off. It makes me want to quit golf.
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