College student stabs teammate, fails to secure roster spot ·
Somewhere, in a beaten down double-wide trailer, Tonya Harding is smiling. She’s also high off PCP, but she’s smiling.
A University of Northern Colorado back-up punter was arrested for stabbing the starting punter in the leg. (Link)
Mitch Cozad stabbed Rafael Mendoza in a desperate fit of jealous hillbilly rage in a parking lot on Monday night. Mendoza was treated and released, though a timetable for his return to the playing field is still unknown.
Cozad, Mendoza, and Zak Bigelow were all vying for the punting job during training camp with Cozad being narrowly edged.
I say fuck punting! With names like Mitch Cozad, Rafael Mendoza, and Zak Bigelow, they should have been vying to be a crime fighting team of renegade cops patrolling Miami Beach… with sexy results!
There are several theories floating about as to the exact reason why Cozad wanted to be the starter so bad.
“It would be real tough, I imagine” said linebacker Kevin Mcelwain. “The punter is always the biggest pussy on the team. To be the backup biggest pussy? That would be hard to take”
Coach Scott Downing, felt the need to take some blame as well. “When they were trying out, I told all three of the punters of the benefits of starting, you know as a motivational tool”
“I told them how starting football players get so much freshman ass that they need to start skipping meals to save time. Mitch was a lonely dude, never dated… maybe he just wanted in on the action.”
Cozad, a native of Wheatland, Wyo., expressed in a written statement he just wanted to please those back home. “Ma done get so happy when she see me play. I just done wannid to make ‘er proud. I’m real sorry bout the mexican fella, I hope he gits better”
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