Crosby-Ovechkin: Death Match 1 ·
The Pittsburgh Penguins and Washington Capitals face off tonight in what can only be referred to as the most gigantic game of all time.
The NHL is really pushing this matchup as it pits NHL’s version of Bron Bron vs D-Wade – Cros Cros vs A-Ove. Both Crosby and Ovechkin will be miked up for the game so one can expect exciting exchanges like:
“Hey!” and “Yeah, nice pass” and “Here we go!”
Both youngsters as well as coaching staff’s will also be interviewed during the game. One can only hope to hear an assistant coach reveal: “We’re going to keep pushing, try and make them play our game. We’re doing some good things right now and we just got to play a full 60 minutes.”
The Versus Network, who is televising the game, is also promising to have players refer to teammates by special nicknames, derived using a sophisticated formula: either shorten a players last name to its’ first syllable and then add an ‘s’ or ‘er’; or add a ‘sie’ at the end of the last name.
For example, Jordan Staal will now be Staalsie and Mark Recchi will just be Reccs.
The best part of this whole thing, though, is that Penguins rookie Evgeni Malkin will be interviewed pre-game and opponent Ovechkin will serve as his translator. We can almost be guaranteed that they will likely cliché themselves to death or perhaps joke around about the cushy life all Russians have.
However, there is a seriously wicked opportunity for these two to fuck with each other.
Reporter: So, Evgeni, what is the key to tonight’s victory?
Olvechkin translating to Malkin in Russian: You’re a fucking ass-clown.
All of this in high definition.
Game time is 7 EST
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