Juan Pierre actually a 17th c. Spanish explorer ·
In a shocking statement this morning, Los Angeles Dodgers outfielder Juan Pierre has revealed that he is actually an explorer from the 1600’s.
“I’ve dressed in the manner of a Moor to simply conquer the world of contemporary baserunning at the speed as I once conquered Peru.”
“Booya!” he exclaimed with a thick, gay, Spanish accent.
He later went on to describe that his quickness was derived from the hunting and slaughtering of thousands of Incas.
He then stabbed everyone in sight including teammate Randy Wolf who was actually a wolf in Randy’s clothing.
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